Julie Pacino on Exploring Female Trauma in Lynchian Feature Directorial Debut ‘I Live Here Now’

Julie Pacino on Exploring Female Trauma in Lynchian Feature Directorial Debut ‘I Live Here Now’

Lucy Fry’s Rose, a woman haunted by trauma, ends up checking herself into an inn where reality seems to unravel, blurring the lines between past and present, and waking life and dreams. That’s the set-up for I Live Here Now, writer-director Julie Pacino‘s feature directorial debut, which world premieres on Thursday at the Fantasia International Film Festival in Montreal before screening at the Locarno Film Festival in Switzerland in the out-of-competition lineup and then traveling to the Edinburgh International Film Festival for its Midnight Madness program.

“The film pulses with competing anxieties: the pursuit of perfection, the weight of generational trauma, and the invisible fist of capitalism tightening its grip around the necks of its characters,” the Fantasia synopsis reads. “Pacino plunges us into a vibrant and nightmarish psychodrama that reverberates with echoes of David Lynch, Dario Argento and the Coen brothers.”

Shot on 35 millimeter film, the film takes viewers on a surreal, unsettling trip, with an ensemble cast that includes Fry (Godfather of Harlem, Night Teeth), Madeline Brewer (The Handmaid’s Tale), Sheryl Lee (Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me), Matt Rife, Sarah Rich and Lara Clear.

Ahead of the movie’s world premiere, Pacino talked to The Hollywood Reporter about the inspirations behind I Live Here Now, the creative input from its cast members, family reactions to the movie and the impact of Lynch on her and the industry.

This film is such a roller coaster ride.Can you talk a little bit about the inspiration for I Live Here Now?

I’m trying to trace it back. I feel like it starts in my childhood. And it was just time for me to start thinking about making my first feature. In about 2020, during the pandemic, I wrote a short film called I Live Here Now. At that point, it was really about me reconciling the fact that I was stuck. And as I started peeling the layers back and getting to the core of who I am, or who I was, this new allegorical concept emerged about what it means to be a woman with a body in today’s world and [looking] into yourself and reconciling various aspects.

I feel the pandemic was a really internal time for me and a lot of people, and I spent a lot of time self-reflecting and unearthing some of my trauma, which was dark and scary, but also funny and crazy. And so, yeah, that’s where the initial seed came from. From the short film in 2020, the thing just came alive.

Worries about women and their rights still feel timely in many parts of the world…

Yeah, I always worry about women in the world. A lot is about having to deal with certain pressures that women deal with, especially in this business. That’s what Rose is also going through: getting older, having to worry about her weight and these things putting pressure on her. Women fighting for autonomy is a tale as old as time.

The movie is, really, about a lot of things, but with Rose, it’s about her reclaiming ownership of her own body. And a surprise [development] is really a catalyst for her to be able to access parts of herself that she had shut herself off from. It’s this sort of revelation: “I didn’t know my body could do this.” I feel like a lot of times women are, at least in my experience, not understanding their body and thinking that outside sources define us and how we should feel about our bodies. So that’s obviously a really heavy theme in the film. That’s ultimately Rose’s journey.

You mix funny and hopeful elements into all the heavy, scary and creepy stuff.How key is that for you?

You definitely have to have some hope and some humor when you’re working with dark material. At least, that’s the kind of stuff that I like to watch. I like running the gamut of emotions.

Can you explain what went into the vibrant color palette of the film and why you chose that?

We shot on 35 millimeter film, which was so amazing and such a dream come true. I work closely with my DP, Aron Meinhardt. I’m also a photographer, and Aron lights a lot of my photo shoots. So, we have a really comfortable shorthand about color and how I like to use color. So when we were talking about how we wanted to approach this movie, definitely shooting on film was a thing from the beginning that we felt we really had to do because of the vibrancy of the colors and the light. That’s always reflecting on Rose. We were concerned about how a digital sensor would handle that when we show colorful spaces. And film handles that dynamic range so well. So that was really fun from a technical aspect.

From a creative aspect, I love using color to help enhance the symbolism. In a really intentional way, each character sort of has their own color, which ties into a deeper psychological meaning. When Rose is in Los Angeles, it’s my version of Los Angeles, which is less about the sun and the palm trees and more about what’s underneath, the sort of murky, gray darkness of Hollywood. And then when she checks into the inn, it’s vibrant and colorful, and it really comes to life along with her. So, yeah, it was so much fun to work with color in this way to help serve the story.

How did you feel directing your first feature, and could we see you direct more?

I loved it. Obviously, it is really challenging to make a feature film. But I had incredible collaborators and felt so supported throughout the process. That was a huge thing, just being able to lean on my department heads, and, of course, the incredible actors that just poured their souls into it. So, it was really an incredible team effort.

It was a dream come true to have the opportunity to direct a feature, and I would love to do it again, should the opportunity arise. It’s definitely a thing that I want to keep doing. It’s been a five-year process making this, and I’ve just learned so much. So I’m excited to apply those things to the next one, hopefully.

Tell me a bit more about how you worked with the cast members.Did you know any of them before this film?

The only two actors I knew before making this movie were Lara Clear and Sarah Rich, which was cool, because it’s really helpful to have a shorthand with actors, especially given this was my first feature, because they just kind of read my mind. Rose was the most challenging character to cast, because the script included a lot of abstraction, so I was really looking for a partner who could help me fill in some of the gaps and be super collaborative. From the moment I met Lucy — we’re both with CAA, and so we just kind of got set up for this meeting — we just instantly hit it off in a really creative way. The first thing she said to me was: “I don’t usually do this, but I have a lot of thoughts.” And then she sort of just poured out everything, and some of it was stuff that I was thinking about, but a lot of it was stuff I hadn’t been thinking about. So, I knew she could really be a partner in this and help take it to the next level. Since this is a really personal film for me, and she was willing to bring a lot of her deep personal stuff to it, that made me feel safe, and it made her feel safe. So that was an incredible partnership.

And then, everyone else around that was just great. Madeline Brewer is an absolute rock star, and she just had so much fun with Lillian. And Matt Rife is incredible. He’s really dedicated to his craft as an actor, and he put so much thought and care into developing his character. And then Sheryl Lee, of course, is our queen. She, too, from our first conversation, grilled me. She was like: “Hey, this script made me feel things intensely, so what’s up with that?” And I was like: “I love this. Yeah, what’s up with it? Let’s dig!?” So she was also really fun and collaborative and just such a great presence on set because of everything that she’s done in her career. It was really cool to have her and for a lot of us to lean on her and ask her questions. She’s a master.

I got some strong David Lynch vibes while watching I Live Here Now. Would you call him a cinematic inspiration?

David Lynch has been an incredible influence on my whole life and my art. Every time I watch a David Lynch movie or look at a David Lynch painting or listen to a David Lynch song, I’m just reminded of the artist within me. I feel like David, for me, represented artists’ freedom and the ability to just give yourself that permission to dream and to go for it and to not really worry about anything other than just channeling your artwork. So he’s had a profound impact on all my life and all my art. It really, really hurt losing him this year. So absolutely, he was an inspiration and a reference.

I also love Stanley Kubrick. The way that he and David blend humor and sort of camp is, I feel, really useful in the horror genre. I love creating in the horror landscape because it’s fun to lean on those allowances that the horror genre gives you. So yeah, those are two main references for me. Also, [Ingmar Bergman’s] Persona was a movie that my team and I watched a lot during pre-production. And Dario Argento, of course, with the colors and the use of color, is also a reference.

You mentioned how personal I Live Here Now is for you. Have you shown the film to family and friends yet?

My mom, my dad, my brother and my sister, definitely, along the way, have seen cuts and have helped me with — my brother in particular. My brother is in video games and very scientific and mathematical. He’s a brilliant man, and I always love showing him my stuff, because his feedback is always incredible. He had some really cool theories and really helped me during the creative process, shaping some of the lore of the inn and stuff like that. So yeah, my family was definitely helpful and instrumental in seeing the rough cut. They haven’t seen the finished version yet because I’m like: “Hey, you have to watch this on the big screen.” So hopefully we’ll get something set up in L.A. soon, and everyone can come out and see it in that way.

Is there anything else you would like to share?

I would just say that I hope people can come into the film with an open mind. And I’m excited to be at this part of the journey, after five years of working on it, releasing it into the world. It’s like this new chapter to see where it sits with people.